Friday, 04 July 2008
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The coldest heart
Before you read let me explain that I wrote this probably 4 years ago and still can't quite figure out what I was thinking when I wrote this. Thus, don't ask me because your guess is as good as mine.
God I’ve been sitting in my room for countless hours doing nothing
Wondering if someone is going to call me
As time goes on I become more aware of the coldness of my room
I sit with hands folded in my lap shivering
Why is my room so cold, why is there no warmth
I could simply open the door and let the warm air in
But I will keep the door shut
I would seem to rather have darkness and the cold
Rather then the light and the warmth of the outer entering in
I still sit on my bed wondering why it is so cold, why am I so cold
Do I even want to embrace the warmth
I seem to be more comfortable surrounded by the cold
Why am I so cold, its nothing I’ve done, my coldness is due to my surroundings
The warmth seems nice, but I don’t think I’ll try to become warm
The coldness surrounds and until I move that’s where I’ll be
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Comments (10)
This actually fits for what I was doing 4 years ago. I like it!
@storyslut@xanga - pray tell, what were you doing 4 years ago?
Too long to explain, but I was miserable! Your post was a good description both physically and emotionally. But I got out 3 years ago yesterday and cracked open the door to warmth for my heart again
habits and cycles. people do what they learn. it's really dysfunctional families, or bad relationships, or bad habits, or self-destruction, or countless other negative things.
it's hard to unlearn, and then learn again. usually we need help. that's what friends are for. i suppose god too.
there are also positive things we learn. leaving a sweet note on the counter, giving a hug goodnight, calling a friend out of the blue, calling friends regularly, meditation and reflection.
Didja make chords for this?
@ThepersonwithoutC@xanga - nope, but you are more then welcome to
That's absolutely beautiful.
May I ask you a question?
Why did you decide to become a pastor?
@annihilate__me@xanga - i felt like it was a "calling" in a way. I looked at what i had been gifted with, what people said i was talented in, and my personal love for the word and went from there.
People say i do a good job, I feel like God is pleased through my service, i enjoy it.
I think a context would make it easier to understand.
It's always fun to write something you don't even understand and have someone else explain it to you. I did that with one of my songs. So I'll give it a go:
I think it is about knowing there is something wrong, and there is a way to fix it, but not doing anything about it.
That's what I came up with from it, though I may be way off....