Monday, 09 June 2008

• Your knife, my back. The power of words

  This is a sermon I preached last year around October about the subject of gossip. Granted their are more stories to this sermon then what is written here, but for the sake of length and your precious time I edited it. I hope this speaks to your heart.

   

  According to www.endabuse.org, in the United States alone, 960,000 incidents of violence against a current or former spouse, boyfriend, or girlfriend are reported each year. Think about that. Nearly one million reported cases of abuse happened, and think about the thousands upon thousands of unreported abuses. Domestic abuse has been a rising and growing problem in the last fifty years. However, today a bigger problem exists that doesn’t show physical signs of bruising, sores, or wounds like abuse, but deep emotional scars that last longer then any injury can. Wounds that can be felt but never seen. It's time today that we stop ignoring this problem, and truly understand the power of our words.

  Why is it important that we watch what we do with our words? Our words have the power to build and to destroy. We can help protect or kick others while their down.

  Proverbs 18:21 The tongue has the power of life and death, and those who love to talk will have to eat their own words.

  By the very words you speak to someone or about someone can help encourage and lift them up, or you can destroy them emotionally. Some people throw this big fit over how we can become over emotional, yet they forget that God created us to embrace and express emotions. Now, yes we connect physically, that’s why he designed sex for marriage to be an intimate physical expression of love shared by only 2 people. Man and Wife. Even more so, God created us to connect emotionally with one another with our feelings, desires, thoughts, and the like. As we know our society is hinged so much on what others think and say about us, we’re very self conscious about ourselves. We'll spend an hour of preperation behind closed doors just to be seen 15 minutes out in public. People pay attention to what you say about them or others, and it can help them or bring them down.

  What do I mean you ask? Have you ever been with a group of friends and someone isn’t there, and their name comes up in discussion. Since they’re not there to defend them self, people start bashing their reputation over character flaws, mistakes, bad decisions, common sense, or even a lack of fashion. These people would never dare say any of these things to their face, but since they're no where near there they say all sorts of things about them. It generally starts off with one person doing the bashing but then turns into more and more people talking about how much they hate or dislike this one person until the whole room has turned against them.

  Now as we have all more then likely found ourselves in these situations opportunity has always given us 3 choices to make. It always will. We can choose to be silent, and not say anything. This way we don’t look bad, but we really don’t stick up for them either. Second, we can join right in to and help destroy them. Finally, we can stand in the gap for them and defend that person as we wish they would do for us.

  A. In the midst of battling within ourselves over whether we’re going to spill beans about someone or stop the conversation all together, we sit in a lukewarm pool of self compromise and just say nothing at all. We ride the fence long enough not to make either party upset. While its not as bad as talking about them like they were the devil, its no where as good as standing up for them. We know something needs to be said, but we won't make an effort to do so. I like to call this "Pilate Syndrome". We perverbially wash our hands free in the situation. We don’t jump in so the person wont get mad at us, but we don’t stand up to defend our friend either. In many regards being silent is worse then saying anything.

  Pro 3:27 Don't withhold good from those to whom it is due, when it is in the power of your hand to do it.

  When you have the opportunity do defend someone do it! 

  B. Now when you are confronted with people who want to put down another person its very easy to just join in and talk about how he’s an idiot, she’s a hoe, he smells bad, she dresses like a slut, they don’t know how to control their children, and so on and so forth. As much fun and being much easier to just join instead of stopping the conversation, why should we not throw stones at their name and reputation.

  It causes distrust to develop in relationships with people we talk about and with others. They think if we talk about people that bad when that person isn’t around I can only imagine what they’re saying about me when I’m not here.

  We alter how people view others. First impressions maybe everything but they mean nothing when we already think we know who they are. When we begin the verbal assault on others we talk about how we feel and what we know. If others are in the room or around who don’t know the person at all or as well they will begin to develop an attitude about that person that mirrors our own. Without even have met or talking to the person they have it already figured out that this person or persons is bad.

  We earn a reputation for our self. When we sow seeds of discord and people know that we will talk about someone’s dirty laundry they will seek us out for more information. We become in a way the town crier. Plus, people will be less likely to disclose personal information with us if they know we’re going to tell everyone.

  We become a breeding ground for discontent. Generally its information that people told us to keep secret or on the down low that we are so eager to tell to the nearest person. Catch our friends up on the latest gossip about what so and so is doing or what we’ve heard their doing. Now we all have to admit that gossip is fun, our itching ears love to hear what’s wrong in other people’s lives.

  Pro 18:8 There's nothing so delicious as the taste of gossip! It melts in your mouth.

  Reputations and friendships are ruined. Out of all 5 this is the worst. It doesn’t takes years of bad words and wrong motives to ruin someone. Just a few minutes a short conversation are enough to end a friendship with someone and ruin all credibility in the eyes of others.

  Pro 11:9 Dishonest people use gossip to destroy their neighbors.

  C. Finally, this option though the hardest, brings the most reward and benefit. As one by one people either knowingly or unknowingly talk about a person and their faults we are called to stand up on behalf of that person who can’t do it for their self at the time. We in a way became an intercessor on their behalf.

  Pro 31:8 Speak up for those who cannot speak for themselves.

  The question arises why have we been called to a higher standard or why should we do this?

  It shows true friendship. When someone can count on you to speak up for them when they’re not there to do so it shows them how much you love and care for them. It means the world to me as a Pastor to know the people in my congregation have my back when those outside or even the church disagree with my stance on something.

  It shows trust and integrity. It always cracks me up when I hear someone run up to me and say, “I’ve got to tell you something. I’m not supposed to tell anyone though.” I say, “Well then don’t tell me!” When people spill their innermost thoughts and feelings they come to us with the assumption that we’re going to be hush hush about it. When a teen can come to me and talk about their porn or self image issues and know it's not going to go any farther it shows trust to them on my part. When a friend comes to you with their deepest darkest problems and it goes no farther then you it shows integrity from you. People don’t tell us their secret sins or things that they or their family are struggling with hoping that we will tell everyone about it. If that was their intention they would just post it on the web or in the newspaper. When we can keep a secret a secret and not “I’m not supposed to tell anyone but oh well” it shows true friendship.

  Pro 11:13 A gossip tells everything, but a true friend will keep a secret.

  Now how we do stop a deadly conversation from getting out of control you ask? We unmask it for what it is, death, and stop it and don’t allow it to go any further.

  We never bring up their faults. In conversation we never allow ourselves to be the one who starts the domino effect where by our choice of abusive words, everyone else joins in the stoning.

  Eph 4:29 Don't say anything that would hurt another person. Instead, speak only what is good so that you can give help wherever it is needed. That way, what you say will help those who hear you.

  But if someone or some people do start the 1 army war…

  We stop the assault and change the subject. When someone has been put down we firmly state that we have no authority to talk about them in such ways and direct the conversation to more uplifting things that won't cause the group to put down someone else again.

  We stop the assault of the person and go on the defensive. Whether we don’t know them from Adam or they’re our best friend we stick up for them. No matter how few and far between their good characteristics may be we should point out the good things they were all failing to miss and how we should focus more on those than the bad.

  We unmask the deception of “prayer requests” and just pray for them! How many times have you been with a bunch of people from church or just Christians and its time to take up prayer requests. Or someone comes up to you in private and says, “Hey could you pray for so and so, "Their having a hard time dealing with their whatever and they really need prayer.” I’ve found out more dirt on people in “prayer request time” then by any other means. Our intention never was to ask prayer for them, we just used the scapegoat of prayer to broadcast to everyone what someone is dealing or struggling with. When asking for prayer someone or telling someone about a prayer need, if we know personally what they’re dealing with it, lets just keep it to our self. If we disguise gossip as prayer requests we subtlety spread private info from one person to another. The solution is to just ask prayer for so and so and leave it at that! Surely God isn’t dumb enough that we have to inform him on what’s going on.

  Teens, adults, it's time we did some personal inventory now. Think about the words you’ve recently spoken over e-mail, phone, in person, or by whatever other means. Have your words been wholesome and encouraging, or have you been destroying people left and right and burning bridges as you go? Also, think about this. Can you think of anyone that you have hurt with your words. Maybe tonight you need to make the decision to go to them, confess your wrong, and ask for forgiveness. It’s time that we stop throwing people metaphorically face down in the dirt. Make the choice to show the love of God through your words today.

  • 9:20 PM
  • 306 Views
  • 8 eProps
  • 9 Comments