Saturday, 31 May 2008

• Looking for a role model for pre-teens? Perhaps Disney shouldn't be your first choice.

  Maybe  you were a kid and a product of the late 80's and early 90's. I know I was.

  • Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles ruled my room as Raphael and Donatello action figures guarded my L.A. light shoes from the evil Shredder. Cowabunga!
  • I was convinced that nothing Rita did could or ever would stop the Power Rangers. I don't know about you but black ranger and his mastadon kicked total buttage.
  • Hotwheels littered my floor with all of the racetracks and carwashes I could get my hands on.
  • The only sheep I wanted around was a Barnyard Commando.
  • WCW and WWF on Saturdays mornings was better then any cartoon.
  • I was too afraid to watch "Are you scared of the dark" on Nickelodeon.
  • Ren and Stempy had fairly clean language unlike todays version. However, it did have all the violence and sheer stupidity.

  If you had cable growing up you remember one channel that defined your coolness. The Disney Channel. Heck I remember in Liberty, MO as a young boy the Disney Cable Channel had its own store in the town square. Disney Channel was that cool. All the "have's" talked about watching great movies like Beauty and the Beast without a VCR while the "Have not's" could only dream of such luxury. Above and beyond anything else that was shown on Disney Channel was a particular club that all of us wanted to join, but we just settled for memorizing the theme song.

  M I C K E Y M O U S E, mickey mouse, mickey mouse...

  Those select few of gifted blessed peers of ours had all the right dance moves, knew the best songs, and heck probably had some kind of direct access to Mickey himself. sighs... Those seemed like such simpler times. Everything was perfect back then (little to our knowledge was a war going on in the middle east, and David Coresh and the Branch Davidians were to be soon killed by the FBI). Parents smiled proudly upon teenage actors as setting a great example for their kids who they knew would be great parents like them one day.

  BUT SOME TIME LATER PUBERTY SET IN. Little innocent pre-teens started growing up and weren't so innocent anymore. Granted, this happens to a lot of teens, but what I have found remarkeable is the amount of Disney Channel stars who have gone from sugar, spice, and everything nice to the calendars on horny teenagers walls.

  Does anyone else remember having the hots for Brittany in her denim sandwhich?

  (A). Brittany Spears. Brittany always had a gift for singing. We all knew that she would eventually break out. But who knew that she would be so big?

  In the Spring of 1999 Brittney Spears hit the scene with her first hit single, "Hit me baby, one more time" where she stirred the imagination, including mine, of numerous young men in her short skirt schoolgirl outfit. She released song after smash song and instantly became America's idol. After some inappropriate attire while performing for Nick in 2000, shacking up with Justin Timberlake in the same year and quickly breaking up, frenching the woman who invented sex herself, Madonna, and appearing in just a sweater in a 2003 magazine article eyebrows began to raise. When she married K-Fed even more began to wonder what just in the heck was up with this girl.

  After two kids her life had seemed to slow down, marriage was great, and she seemed happier then ever. However, in 2005 the two filed for divorce, which led somehow to Brittney to doing this...

  Bald Brittney beating cars with an umbrella. Oops she did it again we all said laughing while inwardly crying for our sweetheart to reclaim her sanity. What went wrong in this poor girls life to drive her so far?

  (B). Christina Aguilera. The forgotten mouse.

  I always thought Christina was prettier, but most of my friends preferred Brittany. Christina came out first on the Mulan soundtrack but hit it big with her first single, "Genie in a bottle." I still can't understand by what she means when she says you have to rub her the right way. Is she from Brooklyn and tired of all the wise guys rubbing her wrong? Kappeesh!

  As Christina was making her way to the top a lesser known girl by the name of Jessica Simpson was proclaiming her initiative to remain a virgin until her wedding day. Christina picked up on this and made the same valiant claim of herself. Does anyone know how that went for either girl?

  In a change of fashions Christina's second album dropped the innocent look and picked up on sex appeal.

  Fishnet much? Eyes were raised at Christina much the same with her frenching of Madonna at the 2003 MTV video awards. However, after marriage life has seemed to slow down for Christina much like it did with Brittney. I pray that her and her hubby stay strong in their vows, death til they part.

   Oh yeah, the mousekateer Timberlake. After dropping N-Sync ( I wonder if he knew Lance Bass was gay during his time with the band) he has become a pretty popular singer. I think his popularity comes solely to linking his actions of pulling Janet Jackson's breast plate off right when the lyrics go, "Im gonna have you naked by the end of this song." Nice timing. Hope you helped paid the FCC fine you heaped on CBS.

  Ok, so we know about them. That seems like the distant past. What is wrong with Disney stars now?

  (A). Vannessa Hudgens. When I first heard about High School Musical I was so happy that their might be some morally good role models for todays pre-teens. Heck, if they want to sing, dance, and have fun while being clean about it go and have all the fun you want. And then.... One morning while listening to the radio at work I heard about some pictures she took...

   Now did you honestly think I was going to post the pics of her naked? Come on! None the less, somehow through the miracle of the internet and USB ports, some 26 semi-nude and fully nude pics of her exploded on the internet that she had sent for current boyfriend Zac Effron's eyes only. Not only is this totally wrong its very illegal as per se. These pics were of her when she was apparently 17. Thus, she was a MINOR. Thus, by law these pics were very illegal. So whoever this guy or girl was who took these pics with Vannessa's phone was making underage porn. Not my words folks. Thats the way the gossip experts explained it.

   

  Poor Sharpei. The only thing she can do now is beat up those annoying twins, Zach and Cody and ruin their suite life.

  (B). Miley Cyrus. The best of both worlds. Not so much.

   Hannah of the Montana. Once again another girl who I thought was going to be a great role model for young women. Question, did this young girl have anyone do some damage control brain storming before she became

   Gothic Cyrus. This picture just disturbs me. Ok, so it was for a magazine, and not some cheap one like Maxim, but for Vanity Fair. So some people look at her a little differently, but the majority of 4-14 year old girls still love her to death. So why not love her even more when pics of her that she, like Vanessa, sent to her then boyfriend Nick Jonas of the Jonas Brothers surfaces of...

  her in her undies. However, no nude pics this time. Thankfully. Goodbye good girl reputation.

   

  So, whats up with this fellow Xangans? Is it just some mere coincidence that all of these once or current Disney stars are becoming the "harlots" of today as grandma would say? Is it societal expectations that they are trying to live up to? Do these girls feel as though they need to dress down in order to impress boyfriends or make more fans? Is this a trend that we can continue to expect to happen with future male and female stars of other networks?

  Is there anything Nemo can do to help???

   

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